The Infi-Net Revolution
1: The Pirate Ship
In which our two heroes, Grebok, Son of Drogmar, Keeper of the Seven Keys of Ventoozlar, and Lord Chuckles, self-described “Avatar of Good,” venture aboard a pirate’s ship, which is really a three-bedroom home in the suburbs. They encounter a “pirate” (read: a teenager) who downloads music free off something called the “Infi-Net,” and they punch him unmerciful. The Infi-Net leaks some sort of spacey star-goo, and it attacks!
2: The Celestial Chorus
In which we meet the reigning pantheon of planets and celestial beings that lords over this narrative mess of a universe. All is not well with the weave and weft of this place, as the introduction of the star-spanning Infi-Net network seems to have the celestial beings in quite the tizzy! Worse and perhaps weirder–where are the heroes, the Shadowstories who protect the Storyverse from rogue stories and criminal narrative acts?
3: The Weasel and the Geek
In which we discover that two more of our heroes have run into trouble with the mysterious productivity-eater known as the Infi-Net! Gunther P. Washington, tow-headed office geek, and Sparky the Wonder Weasel, a cranky humanoid weasel with a double-barrel shotgun, battle goo-vomiting zombies — zombies that may be a byproduct of the Infi-Net. Can they escape? And just what the heck is a Pillow Cat, anyway?
4: A Series of Tubes
In which Lord Chuckles and Grebok find themselves uploaded into the Infi-Net, body and soul. Grebok is attacked by robot snakes and screams not-at-all-like-a-girl. The Avatar uncomfortably wanders the giant pixelated pleather-clad buttocks of a presumably underage bubblegum pop-star songstress. Together, our two idiots–er, heroes–come to the conclusion that: Shit is crazy! Can they find a way out of this madness?
5: Robot Porn and Shadow Chickens
In which we visit the HappyCo corporate homeworld and meet super-secret super-hacker, Denthead the ScumBot, who is recruited by a mysterious benefactor with a humming suitcase and a… beak? What does this strange stranger seek from our wedge-headed, porn-scouring robot buddy? What manipulations of the enigmatic Infi-Net must he provide? Why must robots so deeply enjoy robot pornography?
6: The Arvicolinurgist
In which a magical bear on a not-so-magical unicycle performs a task for that grand bastard, The Bastard Sun. The bear — Skarpo, if you must know — visits what should be the terrifying home of a cryptic weirdo, the Lord of the Lemmings, a dark stranger with a cloak filled with an eternity of endlessly-functional lemmings, a dark stranger who just so happens to think he’s on his way toward becoming a god, or perhaps The God. What is the Lemming Man’s stakes in the growing threat that is the Infi-Net? What’s with all those lemmings? Will Skarpo make it out unscathed, or will he pee his ursine britches?
7: The Endless Market
In which Gunther is molested by a strange creature in denim shorts, and Sparky is made to wander the endless paths and tents of this infinite — er, Infi-Net! — market. What does the awful-smelling molester creature want? Who — or what — does Sparky encounter in the recesses of the market? Will Sparky save Gunther? Or will Gunther be left to shriek like a little girl?
8: Guiding Hands
In which we discover the source behind the ever-spreading Infi-Net network: a not-so-shadowy corporation of tech-hippies softly lorded over by the Guiding Hands board of directors (but don’t call them that). You should really try the brownies and ask Sage about her husband who works down at the docks. Who’s that on the phone? Someone named R.T.? Hey, haven’t we seen that chicken before?
9: The Grassy Knoll
In which the Avatar and the Keykeeper wander through this new world, stumbling through the mad genesis of the Infi-Net as it unfolds. They sit on a hill and watch a goblin fight a washing machine. They talk about sex with R.T., the lycanthropic were-ship that Grebok hearts very much, thank you. They meet the Scum-Bot hacker known as Denthead. Hijinks ensue!
10: Noise to Signal
In which we officially meet R.T., the lycanthropic were-ship who now serves as the bio-mechanical router for the dastardly Infi-Net! She is — or was, until recently — one of the Shadowstories, but now, where do her allegiances lie? What happens when she discovers that someone is hacking the Infi-Net — and, weirder still, that people have been uploaded into the network itself, body and soul?
11: This Rest Stop Is For Assholes (A Flashback)
In which we enter the narrative time-machine and flash back to an Intergalactic Rest Stop. Our four heroes wait for the dramatic (and probably non-existent) return of their friend and spaceship, R.T.. We learn what waits in the ladies room. We witness violence against vending machines. We see love bloom — and hopes of that love wither — in the Storyverse.
12: Please Confirm Your Friendship
In which Lord Chuckles and Grebok are forcibly transported to a seemingly barren desert lorded over by some female air genie — an air genie who is concerned very much with who is friends with who. In this place known as Friendmonger, our two heroes ironically find their friendship on rocky ground. The Avatar needles the Keykeeper about wanting to have sex with a lycanthropic were-ship, and the Keykeeper finds the Avatar’s weakness in that Chuckles appears to have no friends at all to call his own. Sissy slapfight ensues!
13: Please Be Patient While We Upgrade
In which our four heroes once again come together, this time on the blank, mad fields of some place called Friendmonger-dot-com. It is not a warm reunion. Fists are thrown! Heads are butted. It’s like a tangle of angry broomsticks. But things grow worse. Something is wrong with Gunther. He doesn’t seem… right. And what’s with all the tectonic rumblings beneath the ground? Did that lady just say something about an upgrade?
14: Did You Feel That?
In which we visit with many characters — some in the midst of playing online games, some hip-deep in the warm love puddles of interns — to confirm that, yes, yes indeed, they did all feel that. Something has happened to the Infi-Net. Something big. Something strange. Something felt by all. Perhaps it is best embodied by Friendmonger-dot-com, a place that now… has its own landscape and atmosphere?
15: The Webpocalypse (In 140 Characters)
In which we write an entire chapter written in 140-character microbursts! You should just go see it. Seriously. Stop talking. Stop looking at me. Just go. What? You want more? Fine. Fine! “In which we bear witness to the Infi-Net becoming something much bigger and much… stranger.” There. Now shut up and get over there.
16: Flashback and Forth
In which we go back in time (using a sophisticated time travel technique known as the “flashback”) to learn about how R.T. distanced herself from the Shadowstories, and how her relationship with Grebok is a will-they-won’t-they love-fest. Plus — the stink of zombie tribesman on Rotworld!
17: The Manchurian Dipshit
In which we discover that Gunther remembers the whole “being molested and having his identity stolen” thing, but not much more. Next thing he knows, he’s wandering around half-drugged at the upcoming online Kendra Shields mega-concert. How’d he get here? We go back — waaaaay back — to learn some Hard Troofs about Gunther P. Washington.
18: Old Friend Request
In which it’s orcs versus elves, with the Shadowstories caught in the middle. Once more we visit the mad exploding realm of what is now *Planet* Friendmonger — a whole world unto itself. If that’s happening here, might it not be happening elsewhere? Also: Death looks suspiciously like Jason Priestly. Also: Lemming Lord!
19: Let’s Be Frenemies!
In which our heroes encounter their… old… friend? The super-mysterious Lord of the Lemmings, whose velvetblack cloak is home to infinite rodents? Is he really their friend? That’s the question, isn’t it, a question that this chapter perhaps strives to answer. So, go read it. What? What are you looking at me for? Shut up! Your Mom! Your Mom’s face! … Oh. Uhh. Also, Denthead the robot finally gets… “paid” by his sinister chicken employers.
20: The Final Countdown
In which it’s time for the Big Show — the Kendra Shields Infi-Net Uber-Concert. But something — nay, somethings — are wrong. What’s up with her eyes? Who are the Revolutionaries, and what have they planned? Is Brin and GoogolSoft about to be triumphant, or knocked out of a job? What is Gunther doing here? Is that a panther?
21: WTSHTF
In which it is a panther! A white panther! Kendra comes out on stage riding her trademark white panther, and she’s all into it, and the crowd is all into it, and it’s her hit single, “Kitty Kitty Bang Bang,” but still — something isn’t right. The Shadowstories feel the same way on the suddenly war-torn world of Friendmonger. Chuckles is accosted by a grumpy barbarian and they all learn that the Lord of the Lemmings may have left them some gifts! Yay, gifts! Er, right? Bzzt. The Lemming Man’s gifts are never free.
22: Virgin Sacrifice
In which you bitches are schooled on tempo. Er, I mean, in which madness ensues, and the Infi-Net is rocked by the white-hot a’splosive sacrifice of Kendra Shields on the stage of her very own concert. The Shadowstories, scattered and rattled, are left reeling. What will happen next?
23: Let’s Learn Some Shit
In which we fast-forward a month, and find three of our Shadowstories — Chuckles, Sparky, and Grebok — floating in the void of what is now an entirely new universe-within-a-universe. No longer the Infi-Net, it’s time to join… the Infiniverse. Stranger still, our heroes have seen a blip: R.T. is out there somewhere. If only they had the smarts to find her.
24: New World Order
In which the Revolution fragments, and the insurgency rises as a fractured being full of poo-eaters, fan-ficcers, and Spam-Bombers. Welcome to the New World Order. Meanwhile, a cell of diligent Uzi-carrying chickens tracks down a series of strange black router boxes — boxes not in the Infiniverse, but out there in the bread-and-butter Storyverse.
25: Explodopedia!
In which the Shadowstories think they’re going to have an easy time swooping onto Stuffopedia and stealing that planet’s search engine, and in which they are totally fucking wrong. Hell has come to Stuffopedia! The mad armies of GoogolSoft — with their Googol Men, Shields Squadron, and Virus-Killers — clash against the insurgents of the Infi-Net Revolution, armed with spam-bombs and proton mines and a deep-seated zeal. Meanwhile, deep in the bowels of the planet, the man known as D. Ernst Godwin has a… discussion with one of the cenobite monks who watches over the search engine. It is not a nice discussion.
26: The Portland Ports
In which we learn the truth — or some of it — about the head of GoogolSoft, Brin Port. You’d like to think he’s the master of chillaxing, except… is that his great-great-grandfather’s paperweight in his hand?
27: Into The Heart Of Smartness
In which our heroes plummet into a giant pulsing Lucite cube. Once there, they are offered a very simple — and unknowingly, very dangerous — question. “Would you like to be smarter?”
28: Googol Men Prefer Blondes
In which we learn many things in this most awesomely titled chapter. For one, chickens are ruthless trackers! Two, the Infiniverse has its own fringes, a frontier’s edge of scum and debris. Three, in this place there sits a bar known as Phreaky Pete’s. And four, when called to task, R.T. can kick more ass than anybody, Wild West style. Oh, and… did something happen to Sunshower?
29: The Revelations Of Gary The Genius
In which our three heroes — yes, I did say three — come together in the center of the giant Lucite cube, and wonder about the fourth of their number, the one they believed to be Gunther. The Shadowstories come to recognize that their brains have been given an extreme makeover. It seems like a good thing, until someone (coughcoughErnstGodwinhackwheeze) points a gun at them.
30: The Big Fucking Picture
In which Honey Moon of the Celestial Chorus ponders the great vacuum that the Storyverse has become, finding a tiny voice in her ear — the voice of Sub-Orbital Stan! We briefly catch another glimpse of the ever-elusive Lord of the Lemmings, and then it’s back with our newly-besmartened Shadowstories, who are now using their sudden intelligence to grasp the big fucking picture… and they don’t like what they see.
