(notso)Frequently-Asked-Questions
(updated 7/27/09)
Who are you people, and how did you get on my Internets?
We’re Martin C. Henley and Chuck Wendig, freelance penmonkeys. We got here because anybody with a dream (and a computer and webhosting fees and morning coffee) can be on your Internets.
What is this nonsense?
It’s not nonsense. It’s The Storyverse.
What the hell is that?
It’s a website.
Okay, I see that, dickhead. What is this goddamn website?
(So testy. The Internet has really ruined your patience.) The Storyverse is a website that hosts the many tales found in the fictional universe of the same name. The Storyverse is an endless coadunation of all the stories ever told and those that haven’t yet been told. Great spinning galaxies of knights battling dragons, employees battling bosses, gods sacrificing virgins, detectives digging up clues, and so on, and so forth. It’s a universe filled with stories, hence, a Storyverse. Which, you see, also has the word “verse” in it, which is essentially a line of prose, and all our stories comprise countless lines of verse and prose, so, y’know, it’s… I mean, you take a good look at it, and you put “story” and “universe” and “verse” all together in a big verbal broth, and, well–
You think you’re clever.
That’s not a question, nor is it frequently asked.
Well-played, FAQ writer.
Thank you. Can we get back to the questions, whether or not they’re asked frequently?
You’ve earned it, sure. I see something called “Shadowstories: The Infi-Net Revolution.” And that is what, exactly?
It’s serial fiction, written by us.
In what genre?
Let’s just go with “all of them.” It’s equal parts science-fiction, fantasy, horror, noir, relationship drama, mythology, Judy Blume, farm animal pornography, autobiography, Greek tragedy and comic bookery. Oh, except all of it is comedy. We’d call it “satire,” but I think it has to be smart to be satire.
Are you actually going to tell us what it’s about, or are you just going to yammer endlessly on?
I was going to go with “yammering,” but you seem like you have somewhere to be.
Bowling.
Does “bowling” mean “meth den?”
…Maybe.
These aren’t questions.
Jiminy Christmas, fine, will you please just tell me what this so-called “Shadowstories” is about?
If you’re looking for the history of Shadowstories, clickity-click here. But this particular iteration features the usual cast of characters battling what might be a cancerous, self-aware Internet spreading its ludicrous darkness across the Storyverse the way a child might wipe his boogers on a storefront window.
Wait. “What might be?”
… ehhh. Yeah. We don’t actually know for sure.
Oh, that’s great. You don’t actually know the story you’re telling?
Um. No, that’s kind of the point. Didn’t I say that? Oh. Maybe I didn’t. Right. The two of us are sharing duties on this story, as we have with all the Shadowstories iterations. One writer writes a chapter, and the next writes the following chapter, and so on. We don’t consult between chapters. We let it all hang out there. It’s not competitive, though we do eagerly seek to amuse and shock the other. The story goes wherever it goes. That means it exists as it is, accidental genius and boogers, all.
That’s lame. Wait, that’s not a question. I mean, “That’s lame?”
It’s not. Shut up.
Next question. Cast of characters?
Yes. Our primary cast of protagonists is a bunch of heroes who patrols the borders between stories across the Storyverse. Any time a story acts up, they get involved. They mete out justice against those who would dare harm the fabric of the narrative, usually with great heaps of preposterous violence. Oh, also, they’re really very stupid.
Wait, what? The heroes are stupid?
Yes. We approach it from the idea that, to be heroes, you have to be kind of… dim upstairs. Three clowns short of a circus and all that.
So, you’re insulting firemen and astronauts?
Oh, whoa, no. Real life heroes aren’t stupid. But fictional ones usually are. I mean, c’mon. In mythology, how dumb is Beowulf, or Hercules, or Achilles? Pompous, flawed assholes, all of them. In pop culture, it applies, too. I mean, I just watched the ending to Armageddon last night, and I’ve seen placemats and sneaker advertisements with sharper writing and smarter characters.
Sick burn. But that movie is dumb as shit. But I still sense prejudice against astronauts. True?
False. The characters in Armageddon were the “world’s best deep-core drilling team,” which I think is something that Michael Bay made up.
Yeah, except it is real. Way to go, smart guy. Sure, don’t want to insult astronauts, but you’re just fine with slagging the good work of deep-core drillers. Those guys put their lives on the line for us, drilling all those… deep cores.
You’re reaching.
I’m reaching. So, fine, you have these characters. Are you going to tell me about them, or what?
Soon. You’ll be getting Character Profiles as the weeks go on.
Thanks, you’re really helping me understand this whole thing. (/sarcasm). I’m getting sleepy over here. Can you just tell me all the pertinent details so I can go and lay down?
Does “lay down” mean “visit a meth den?”
Touche. Just gimme the deets.
Shadowstories: The Infi-Net Revolution will show up, one 1500-word chapter at a time, once a week. Every Wednesday. When we’re all done, we’ll probably try to sell a cleaned-up, shiny, glittery second draft. We might also sell shirts. And mugs. And maybe porn. If we find viewership clamors for it, we might increase our chapter postings to twice a week, but that’s only if we get saucy.
Anything you need from me before I go to my meth den meeting?
Yes! We need the following:
• A comic book artist. Yes, for realsies. We’ve got comic scripts for other Shadowstories tales, and that means we need a handful of artists to draw them. We might be able to pay, though at present, I can’t promise it’ll earn you a speedboat or a small island nation. Maybe in the Third World? Not sure.
• People to pimp our shiznit. This place lives and dies by your attention. We hunger for it. We’re needy. We’re desperate to please. We’re just one unviewed chapter away from sucking the salty barrel of a .357 magnum. Anywhere you can, in any way you can, we’d love for you to Spread The Love. Tweet it, email it, Facebook it, blog about it, even go out onto the street and just start yelling. If you click on an individual chapter posting, you’ll see a cavalcade of little links at the bottom that allow you to throw us up to Digg, Stumbleupon, and all those other places that I don’t yet understand but maybe you do. So, do it. Help us out. Join our circle of shadows, and let others know!
Don’t forget. You can find us on Facebook, and on Twitter!
