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Note: The candidate doesn’t seem of sound enough mind to write any sort of Last Will and Testament or even a convincing suicide note. However, the Sims have noticed he’s very receptive to answering inane questions. We scrounged up a Friendmonger quiz. For posterity.

1. What is your name?

Gunther. Gunther P. Washington. Thank you for asking.

2. What is your favorite color?

I love all the colors of the rainbow. It’s practically an act of cruelty to ask me to choose just one.

3. What is your favorite time of the year?

Oh gracious. There’s no way I could choose. Spring means cute puppies and kitties, and summer is full of life, bikes, and skinned knees. Autumn has so many beautiful colors, and Winter is for family.

4. What is your favorite animal?

Goodness, but you are insistent. Well, if I had to choose just one, I suppose it would have to be a unicorn…. Now I feel guilty.

5. What is your favorite sport to watch?

I don’t get much of a chance to watch sporting events. I often play “Who can be quiet the longest.” With my mother or co-workers.

6. What is your favorite smell?

Heavens to Betsy Sue and her sisters too, but I don’t know. Why must I always choose? I rather like the sharp tang of chocolate syrup for some reason. Don’t tell my mother.

7. Do you like your handwriting?

I am told my penmanship is quite good, yes. I won an excellence in legibility award in the fifth grade. I’m most proud of my special shorthand I’ve invented. I know, I know, pride is the sin the devil makes his mittens of, but I do like it.

8. First thing you wash in the shower?

You’ll have to excuse me Mr. or Mrs. Quiz-writer, but I’m sure that’s none of your business. If this line  of questioning continues, I will call for an adult.

9. Do you plan outfits?

For-sure I do. I’ve planned the one outfit for the rest of my days. The fellas like to make fun because they think I only have the one. But I have exactly seven in my wash rotation.

10. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Mother? You bet your last dollar, I would. Not that I approve of gambling. If you need any money, I can lend you some.

11. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red?

I don’t really see anything. I don’t quite know where I am, I’m afraid. Oh, there’s a blinking light on that circular metal thing over there.

12. What’s the last dream you remember having?

I was working with all my woodland friends at an office out in a meadow. The sun was singing, birds were shining, and it was free refills day at the juice fountain. I was riding a unicorn down to human resources to praise the fine work the chipmunks had done with their latest spreadsheet summary of the time spent making spreadsheets in the last quarter. But I was rudely awoken by some sort of ogre’s hands on my unmentionables. It was a nightmare.

13. What are you craving right now?

Butter. Don’t tell mother.

14. Do you like your hair?

Are you… are you my mother? No, I suppose that’s unlikely. My hair? I guess I do. Sometimes I wish my hair was more rugged like Mr. Chuckles or Grebok, but then I remember envy is a spoke in Hell’s wheels.

15. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?

Not really. It’s some kind of shanty office I think. Possibly a fish mongery.

16. How many planets have you visited?

Oh all kinds. Between the space-temp agency and my Shadowstory friends I’ve seen quite a bit.

17. Do you use chapstick?

No sir. They put shards of glass and poison in chapstick. I only use Vaseline when the need arises.

18. Can you use chopsticks?

Not too well, I’m afraid. Mother always said they were what heathens used to eat, and they’re why Jesus invented forks. I don’t know about all that, but I can’t quite get the hang of them.

19. Do you own a gun?

Heavens to other Heavens, no! They’re plenty dangerous. Only licensed and capable individuals like Mr. Grebok should even look at those things.

20. Do you have any tattoos?

This must be a trick question. You know tattoos are the devil’s crayons.

21. Do looks matter?

Another trick question, everyone knows it’s the shining lights in each of our hearts that counts.

22. Do you like sushi?

I suppose you can imagine my mother had some choice things to say about sushi as well.

23. What was the most recent thing you bought?

A new shirt and khaki set, to replace the ones from Rotworld.

24. Have you ever crawled through a window?

Once, on Sparky’s request. It was more like being thrown.

25. Are you emotional?

Sweet Mary mother of sweet baby Jesus, yes. I can’t get through the opening credits of any movie with a dog in it without tearing up.

26. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

Groggy. Very confused. A good bit frightened.

27. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?

I wish I knew. I haven’t seen them since we got to this crazy world.

28. Did you meet anybody new today?

A day without meeting new friends is like a day without sunshine. I met so many people at my new job. Most of them turned into some sort of goo-zombie though. I do hope they’re okay. Then there was that man-thing that violated my naughty spots and stole my identity. Also those faceless people who gave me this quiz and told me to be quiet. All kinds of new friends.

29. Last time you cried?

Just a few minutes ago.

30. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

Holy Sparky malarkey, no. Hate is Old Scratch’s teet-milk. You shouldn’t ask such things.

31. The last person you held hands with?

Sparky made it quite clear if I was to try again they would never find me. I’m not entirely sure who he was speaking of but I haven’t tried again.

32. Ever been in love?

I’m in love every day with all the worlds in all the world.

33. Do you like yourself?

You betcher two-bit tie and a lamb’s tail I do! Although, again, I don’t recommend gambling. And I don’t really know what your tie cost…. That poor lamb. *sniff* Can I change my answer to number 29?

34. Do you like your life right now?

Well, being honest I wish I wasn’t locked in a shanty office, and I knew where my friends were, and I hadn’t been molested by that trollish gentleman. Aside from all that, I suppose I do.

Oh good, I think my new friends are coming to get me. I smell chamomile.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 2nd, 2009 at 12:02 am and is filed under Bonus Content. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.