[EDIT, 9/23/09, 7:30 PM EST. Okay, peoples. After much deliberation, a decision has been reached. Every entry was awesomeness stewing in its own awesome bones and awesome broth. Werewolves, vampires, lizards, stuffed dogs, sheep, drugs, body parts, and more. You are, in fact, a deeply fucked up group of readers, which is ideal, because we are a deeply fucked up pair of writers. (Case in point: read the Grassy Knoll yet?) Thing is, only one can win. Unless, of course, we decide to change the rules and make it so two people can win, because, hey, we have two books we can now give away. We're good like that. Hell, if we had a whole pallet of books, we'd give you all one, because you're such lovely weirdos.
Still, no time like the present to announce the winners. The winners of the Weirdest Shit You Bought Off The Internets are:
1. ALAN ALDA'S DOG! By N.E. White.
2. BUYING THE INTERNET OFF THE INTERNET! By MCM!
We will be contacting you shortly to try to give you free books. Do not thwart our freeness!]
…
We like giving you free things. We like you coming to our website and telling us stuff. It’s a match made in the Storyverse.
So, what that means is –
HOLY CRAP! NEW CONTEST!
Er, sorry, I was yelling. Holy crap, new contest.
Let’s get the prize out of the way up front, because we know you’re all grubby-fingered greedmonkeys. That’s okay. We are, too. High-five!
The prize is:
Night Horrors: Wolfsbane, for the World of Darkness setting and the Storytelling System. By White Wolf Game Studios.
Chuck developed it. And Marty — along with a whole host of other awesome people like her and this guy and her and this other guy — wrote it. It has lots of great and awesomely awful antagonists for your game. Evil STDs. Crazy towns. Robot wolves. The idigam. The Slow Killer. You want this book.
More importantly, you want this book for free. And if you want Chuck and Marty to devalue it with their signatures, they’ll do that.
Now, here’s how to win.
We want to hear the answer to one question:
What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever purchased off of the Internet?
You might have a good story about how you bought a dildo shaped like the Pope off of eBay, or how you ordered Buddy Hackett’s ashes off of Craigslist. Or maybe you just paid for a prostitute bearing a hollow leg filled with processed cheese. I dunno. You tell me. Post it here in the comments.
It can be a true story. True stories are good.
But, we don’t care if you lie. Really. We don’t. Lie away. This whole website is a lie. Fiction is a lie. So, you wanna make shit up? Then go ahead. Make shit up.
How do you win?
Aye, there’s the rub.
Amuse and entertain us. That’s it. Points for style and hilarity.
So, the rules:
a) Answer the question “What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever purchased off the Internet?” and slap it up here, on this post, in the comments section.
b) Make sure your email address is included.
c) Keep it under 500 words, please. More than that, and you’ll make Babies Wendig and Henley cry.
d) You have between Wednesday, 9/9/09, and the subsequent Wednesday, 9/16/09 (11:59PM EST!), to post your answer in the comments.
e) We will choose our favorite entry. The person that wrote the entry gets the prize. That prize is Night Horrors: Wolfsbane. For free.
f) We’ll mail it to you anywhere. Siberia, if you’re there. We pay shipping.
And that’s that. If you like the contest, please spread the love. And don’t forget to check out The Story So Far for all our Shadowstories-flavored goodness! The new chapter is up, by the way — Chapter 7: The Endless Market!
