Other Aliases: Lemming Man, Lemming Lord, Lord Lemmingwurth the 3rd of Tinselvania, The Arvicolinurgist, The Rodentomancer, The Weirdo, Lawrence of the Labia
Planet of Origin: Unknown
Known Relatives: Unknown (he may have an Uncle Danny but that cannot be corroborated)
•••
The enigma known as the Lord of the Lemmings was… an enigma.
Nothing was known about him, not who he was or from where he came. Was he a man or a coalition of rodents that formed a shambling collective pretending to be a man?
All anyone knew about the guy came from his own lips—which presumed he even had lips—and was often implausible, far-reaching and downright contradictory. Realistically, the only verifiable factoid was that he sure knew a lot of lemmings, and they seemed content to do his bidding.
He produced an endless supply of the fat-bodied sonsofbitches from his flowing cloak which appeared to be stitched out of the very stuff of blackness. How he did it, where the lemmings came from (or went to), where they got their training, or whether he was wearing anything under that robe was anybody’s guess.
Was he born with the ability to commune with this very specific type of rodent, or was it a power bestowed upon him by the cloak? Was he bit by a radioactive lemming? Or maybe his mom slept with a were-lemming or something. Did they have those? Probably somewhere, right? Did he choose to lord over lemmings, were they all that was left (like the last pick in gym class), or did they choose him? Was there really such as thing as the Great Big Lemming? And was he really becoming a god?
All good questions.
Oh… you wanted answers?
Shit if I know, dude.
Have you tried talking to this guy? He’s really off-putting.
All right, fine, this is a Bio, so I should probably try and give you something for your trouble.
Umm….
All right, okay, don’t rush me. Hold on.
He’s the only member of the Shadowstories who wasn’t invited—well, technically neither was Gunther, but he at least had the free sundae coupon. The Lord of the Lemmings crashed the recruitment process, claiming it was his “destiny” to be a Shadowstory. That it was a step on his path to eventual godhood. I guess being the lord of a much maligned off-shoot of the vole family isn’t his long-term goal.
The Bastard Sun was about to kick him out, when Lord Chuckles stopped him and invited the freak to stay (mostly to piss off the Bastard Sun). Due to his own ruling that the Shadowstories could deputize as needed, the Sun was forced to comply.
Chuckles had thought better of it a few times, but the guy was really handy. He pulled all kinds of shit out of that cloak of his. Well, all kinds of lemming shit, but you’d be surprised how often that’s what you need.
So, he’s hung around this long, occasionally mumbling cryptic shit about his impending godhood, or what the Great Big Lemming has to say about this or that. Real loony garbage that they try not to pay attention to.
Well, there it is. That’s what we know about the guy. He’s a fucking puzzle who’s proven he’s got what it takes to be a hero, when he’s not acting all bird-eating, pants-shitting crazytown.
What?
Oh!
As a Shadowstory.
